Lyric Fire: Soul Diving: Partial Poem/Part Confession

my soul is dying

literally

from the inside out

because i eased

into a life of dysfunction

 

mother's crack breath

so warm against my face

daddy's gun

so cold 

i could feel it on my legs

when he held me

 

temporarily

 

dust blown up

they are both gone

no more drug residue for me to find

no more bullets for me to play with

 

shipped off

whoo wee i'm going on a trip

new owners are waiting

one by one they come

gaze

gawk 

look

tickle

oohhh

awww

she's so cute

so shy

so smart

so pretty

 

we want her

no we want her

lies are told to get me

tempers flare

promises made

kept 

broken

 

finally

 

sold

to the auto worker

and nurse with the new house

near the elementary school

 

happy day

excited

soul diving

doing back flips

 

new territory to explore

all is well 

until hell's flames flickered

the crack breath was back

but this time it smelled like gin

the gun was replaced with silence

 

shoes, belts, remote controls 

became weapons against me

my poetry ripped up and ignored

my image became distorted

daughter?

whose?

mixed messages 

of love and hate

bruises became bandages

to cover deeper hurt

 

soul dying 

drowning

sinking

submerged

 

bright light

burning hot

a hole 

into my soul

 

you are forever mine

no matter who

chooses to

abuse you

tell you lies

play with your emotions

build false hope

treat you as a snack

before the real meal

discard you

ignore you

beat you

cheat you

deceive you

 

you are mine

i made you

chose you

dipped you 

in waters of infinity

you are mine

step up

look up

feel the weight of my strength 

beneath you

now bounce

use all the power 

in your body

hold steady now

raise up

head high

get ready for 

a perfect dive

 

clean 

clear

pristine

i hit the water

all sound removed

as i navigate 

and try to find my way

afloat

i stay down for a long time

blinking

but seeing no signs of life

only me

surrounded by blue

the voice within 

says let's stay here

it's so quiet 

 

safe

all the water you can drink

we can rest

don't you want to rest 

the voice says so seductively 

 

no

not yet

my soul 

is yearning

to dive again

 

so 

i

pump my legs

and swim back up to the top

clouds have formed

it begins to rain

the drops splash down hard on me

 

cleansing me

preparing me

for what 

i do not know

 

but i welcome the water

embrace the energy

and capture the current

as i pardon the past

and fondle the future

because i'm playful like that

 

i dance

i cry

my soul may dip

but it will never die

it jumps

soars

lives

dives

Comments

[Tameka Mullins (Tamstarz)]

Jane, I'm thrilled that you stopped by! I look forward to reading your work as well. I'm glad that this poem touched you and that you feel a kinship. This is why I love writing. The connections we can make through words are priceless. Blessings to you.

[Jane]

My friend Dawn advised through a post for me to come, visit your blog... I'm so glad I have. I sit here with tears pushing down my cheeks as I wonder at the strength of your words through our similar experiences. I feel a deep connection with your heart... My sincere message for you, is that I'm happy you choose to resurface, I did too and I wouldn't have missed this ride for the world...

Kindest Regards
Jane <3

[Tameka Mullins (Tamstarz)]

Dawn, thank you so much. I'm glad that you were affected emotionally by this. That is the best compliment a writer can ever receive. Thanks for the sisterly love and I return it most sincerely! :-)

[Dawn]

I read this from my safe path, journeying through your mind and your experiences. Chills chased along my arms many times, and tears crept forth more than once. There is such power in your words and in the journey experienced. Strength, yes. Grace, to walk forth and remain beautiful despite those negative experiences. I see even more reason for that beauty that greets my eyes each time I visit.

Much love to you, sweetheart.

- Dawn

[Tameka Mullins (Tamstarz)]

Hello Jim. Welcome to Lyric Fire... Hmmm, pet rescue analogy. Not sure what to make of this comparison. :-)

[Jim]

Sad, but uplifting, enjoyed this - the pet rescue analogy stuck in my head.

[Tameka Mullins (Tamstarz)]

Thanks Jan! I appreciate this! :-)

[jan]

An awesome poem, I can identify with this so much, wonderfully written and expressed. Despair and hope all in one, so much how life can be. Thank you for this.

[Tameka Mullins (Tamstarz)]

Thanks so much Corrine! Turning the pain into poetry helps me heal!

[Corinne Rodrigues]

Tameka - this was powerful, intense...so full of pain and yet so full of hope too. You are an amazing artist!

[Tameka Mullins (Tamstarz)]

Pamela! Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[Tameka Mullins (Tamstarz)]

Hi Dionne! Thanks for those thoughts. They mean a lot to me!

[Pamela]

Whooaa. . .so intense. I felt the experiences as if I were that little girl.

"mother's crack breath

so warm against my face

daddy's gun

so cold"

Powerful. Loved the ending with water. . .my comfort. xo

[Dionne Diggs]

Wow.........that was amazing. This is truly deep. You are a diversified writer and your gifts and talents will make room for you.

[Tameka Mullins (Tamstarz)]

Linda! Coming from you that is a major compliment! Thanks so much dear lady!

[Dangerous Linda]

Hi, Tameka! ~

Amazing! The beauty of this hurt me and it also healed me -- WoW! You have an extraordinary talent!

Thank you for sharing yourself this way! XO

[Tameka Mullins (Tamstarz)]

Wow, Melissa! That was deep. Thanks so much for seeing it that way. Hugs! I always appreciate your feedback... :-)

[melissa]

Ooo it's like reading a modern Psalm and praying with it. It is, as they all said, intense ~ with all the emotions involved in it and still you emerged a winner in every way. No soul could ever be defeated,I truly agree.

It is you. It is God in you. You are very precious Tameka bella.

[Tameka Mullins (Tamstarz)]

Thanks Autumn. Happy Friday!

[Autumn Eliza]

So intense! Really fiery!
-ELLE

[Tameka Mullins (Tamstarz)]

You're welcome Ron! Thanks so much for your comments!

[Ron]

This is a great poem Tameka. You have a beautiful soul and a powerful mind that translates very well. Thanks for sharing.

[Tameka Mullins (Tamstarz)]

Hi Martha! Welcome to Lyric Fire! I appreciate your visit. Thanks so much for your kind comments!

[Tameka Mullins (Tamstarz)]

Thanks so much Andy! I'm humbled by your words! Speechless now! :-)

[Martha Orlando]

Your writing absolutely, positively blew me away . . . such compact words, perfectly penned, that paint the picture. Yes, your pen is on fire! :)
Blessings!