Before you say anything, no, this isn't my new blog! You have been waiting for quite a while for the new and improved Lyric Fire, but it seems like the wait will be extended as the design project has been delayed. Am I happy about it? No, but, all good things come in time don't they?
It seems the universe wants to teach me a lesson about the art of waiting. Last year I was desperately trying to find work, but it did not happen on my time table. The bills and rent I had to pay could not wait however and I summarily lost my living space and found myself couch-surfing for a while. A fun position to be in for someone who has always been self-sufficient! Not! What a grueling and emotional period. I was broken down and humbled and had to ask for help when I really didn't want to and I learned to accept the word NO more times than I ever expected.
But through the power of prayer, my own submission to circumstance and God's grace, I was also given the gift of yes quite a few times as well. Then there were other twists and turns that made my head spin. Not having found work yet, but a place to live temporarily, I then had to move yet again and had not found sufficient work to support the move. I had many interviews, phone conferences and conversations, but nothing had panned out. I waited and wondered and cried. Why oh Lord was this happening to me?
I was the honor-roll girl who raked leaves and started her own snow shoveling business as a kid in Detroit to make money. I worked two and three jobs while going to college. I earned a journalism scholarship, I bartended, sold books and even contemplated work as an exotic dancer to keep myself afloat while I was attending Fordham University. Me and lazy have never been friends.
Maybe it wasn't about the wait. Or the loss of income. Or the shrinkage of pride and self worth. Perhaps I found myself in this position because God wanted my eyes and attention to be on him. Sure, I was reading my Bible and praying, but my energies were elsewhere. I never said hi or thanked him throughout my day. I didn't lean on the Lord when times got rough. I tried to do it all myself. So, in this instance I couldn't do it all. Only God could have made it happen that I received not one, but two work contracts just a day before I had to move again. Only God could have led me to the apartment that I now dwell in. Only God could have seen me through. Yes, I made the phone calls, submitted the resumes and made the connections, but only because God was leading me.
Now, I am in wait mode yet again. The literary agent I thought was so hot on my work still has not made a commitment to sign me. My new blog home and design isn't ready and I have a lot of financial catching up to do from the past years of lack of work.
Having climbed such a large mountain recently, I can tell you that this sister-girl is tired. At times I wonder if I should start dreaming a new dream and put this writing thing aside. Perhaps I can learn to bake beautiful pies or sell real estate and open a bed & breakfast somewhere. Maybe I can read to kindergarteners, paint houses or learn how to fly an airplane.
Or maybe I can just keep working hard and wait on the Lord. It worked so well for me in the past.
Lord, PLEASE help me to hold out!
How do you deal with the waiting game? Share in the comments and help a sister out!